Within all of us there exists the eternal conflict between the person we wish we were and the person we actually are. It is normal to hope that as we age we bring the two closer or at least onto speaking terms but really, this is a false presumption. In fact, it is entirely possible that for most of us the opposite is true. For as we age we become more and more invested in the path we have chose. Less willing (or able) to turn back and change course, even in insignificant ways. We become hardened and incapable of any change. As we sit there waiting for the world to come to us it moves away.
If we are ever to halt this divergence we must find acceptance: of the people we are, the way the world is, and the fragility of it all. A large part of this is giving up any pursuit of happiness. There is nothing wrong with striving for greatness, but we should do it for the sake of greatness, not happiness. True happiness does not exist, only the idea of happiness. If we stop aiming for this impossible ideal; stop romanticizing our past and trying to move backwards; stop creating standards that nothing and no one can ever live up to we can finally cast off our shackles. Acceptance that we will never be the person we wish we were is the only way that we can actually get closer to that person.
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so perhaps my labeling happiness as an "illusive construct" is apt? I don't think anyone is ever incapable of any change. Once I stop learning and evolving, then it is time to leave this life and find another physical vessel to inhabit. Life is about the journey, after all. Because when we finally get there, we might find that there really is nothing at the end.
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